Why is it that every time I get close to someone, they end up hurting me in a way or another?
My parents are awesome, but sometimes they don't even try to understand me... And that's my weak point. Being laughed at, not being taken seriously, being misunderstood... I hate it.
My best friends started bullying me in school when I was 14 with some other girls in our class... They just turned into mean bitches. I think I deserved it, though... But it still hurt.
My godfather used to sexually abuse me when i was younger... I trusted him, but not anymore. I still don't remember all the details of the abuse.
After all this, it is really hard for me to get close to anybody, and even harder to get to actually love somebody... But finally, two years ago, I fell in love. We were happy together. We smiled together. He was very supportive and kind... But then he got depressed. I had sorta leaned on him too much, dumped all my shit on him... We broke up.
This lead me into hating myself and others even more. I'm very afraid of being hurt, as well as I'm afraid that everything I touch, will break apart. I'm afraid of hurting others.

Sometimes I just hate my life and myself.
Sometimes I think I can't make it any further...
Sometimes I just want to give up.
 But I know I won't.
I'm too optimistic for that.
I've realized it after a few failed suicide attempts. I remember waking up in the hospital, almost passing out again as i tried to stand up... I felt my heart slowing down, almost stopping...
 I remember the fear rushing over me. Suddenly I didn't want to die... Survival instinct took over as I collapsed on the floor and woke up again the next morning. My heart almost failed and they had to keep me in the hospital for a while, but here I am.
And I've still got things worth fighting for.