Happyhappyhappy

Feelin good! Woke up, ate a soy yougurt (58kcal), updated my video blog and stuff... For some reason I just feel really calm and... neutral. Which is kinda rare for me... I took a double dose of my meds though, so that might be the reason.. :D I'm such a junkie. But I really don't think it's a problem since it's keeping me from doing ever more stupid things like cutting myself.. :) And finally we found pills that actually work! I'm so happy.

I just bought veggies, fruit, soy yougurt and porridge from the store. Walked straight through the candy shelf without even actually noticing it. I think I'm finally getting my self control back! Morning weight was 69,5 though... :( But I quess it's mostly waterweight... Metabolism isn't working properly... For a change. But yeah, it's ok. I can do this! I can become thin and beautiful! <3

I also cut my nails today, and it feels really weird to type with these things. xD I'm so used to having long nails... But they'll grow back pretty fast, and doing stuff is actually easier... I can pick my nose again without getting a nosebleed... xD

Here's a couple of thinspo pics:

(Gosh, I want her legs... <3<3<3)

My stomach hurts like hell. Too much sugarfree stuff (damn you aspartam or whatever you are!)... :( Well, at least I don't feel like bingeing anymore... Actually I feel more like purging... Might help a bit with the stomach pain. Or make it worse and make my throat hurt too.
...Crap. Maybe it'd just be better to go to sleep and try to live more healthy tomorrow... I want some salad. I'm sick of all the fattening stuff mom's making me... Rice, bread, chicken, cheese soup... She puts cream in basically everything she does. And you can see its effect on her. -_-' Sadly my mother is my best reverse thinspo. Just... eww.

Ouch, ouch, ouch..

Ok, imma gonna go sleep nao.
Hopefully I'll get some money for the snakebites soon... I want em so baaaaddd...

Cut my wrists and black my eyes

I want to be skinny and pretty like her. :( I also like her hair ridiculously much.. I think I should dye mine as well... I'm still not sure about the colors though... Black and pink would be awesome. Or black and purple. Or blonde and aqua... Too many choices! D: Maybe I'll just go rainbow...

I went for an one hour walk a while back, and bought some diet energy drink from the store on my way back.. Still haven't eaten anything but one sugarfree dental drop... :D Well, now two. 8)

It's weird how I still have the urge to cut myself, although I feel completely fine and cheery... o.O It's sort of an addiction, a habit... It's really hard to let go of it. And i'm not even sure if I want to.

I was thinkin about weird stuff when I was walking home.
-If I was a boy, I'd want my name to be Benjamin.
-I'm way too critical about the ones I love. I always see theil faults and sometimes fail to see that they do what they do because of me... Like my mother making me eat... I quess she's just worried after all.
-I want to go totally emo again. I need a new wardrobe, I need to sell some of my old crappy clothes to make room for black skinny jeans and print t-shirts. 8)
-I still need to lose at least 10 kilograms
-I want some piercings! D:< Snakebites would be soooo awesome... too bad I don't have any money. And I don't have the guts to do it myself. :D
-I need to start writing more. :o And drawing. Since they're my favorite things to do! I don't get why I don't spend more time doing the things i LIKE.